Hello and Welcome Recovery Friends and Visitors,
One of my favorite things to do when I am not super busy is to visit many other blogs and websites that have good solid information and helpful advice. That is what you will find when visiting Annie Kaszina’s website. She is an author and coach and is a must site for all my friends who have been through Emotional Abuse.
It was one my underlying issues of why I turned to gambling addiction. I found her recent article interesting and helpful, so I wanted to share some of it here. I hope you will go visit her website to read the full article: “Recovery From Emotional Abuse.”
( Courtesy & By)
“How do you know when you are over emotional abuse?” is, in my experience, the question least asked. Abuse survivors ask, instead, a) “Can I heal after all that I have been through?”, b) “How long will it take to get over this?” and c) “How soon will I feel better?”
All three are important questions which I have written about before – and, doubtless, will write about again. Meanwhile, for those who might want quick answers, here goes:
- It is always possible to heal – no matter what you have been through. However, healing will require you to step out of your default thinking about being somehow broken.
- Feeling better hinges on your feelings of self-worth rather than the passage of time. For as long as you keep reliving the hurt, you cannot get over it.
- You only have to start rebuilding your feelings of self-worth to feel better. To keep feeling better and better, you only need to keep growing your feelings of self-worth. That is perfectly realistic. However, if you have been in an emotionally abusive relationship, your feelings of self-worth will take some nurturing. Those feelings are, at best, mere seedlings. They deserve to grow into oak trees.
“How do you know when you are over emotional abuse?”
This takes us right back to our opening question, “How do you know when you are over emotional abuse?” We need to start the answer from an understanding of how the process of abuse actually works. Two key things happen to anyone who is at the sharp end of an abusive relationship,
- You hear/experience an awful lot of negative things about yourself.
- You take them on board as your truth.
Emotionally abusive partners are not the world’s most generous creatures. There is just one thing that they “lavish’ on you. That thing is, of course, vilification.
Vilification is the language of the Vile.
Vilification is, as nobody else seems to have said, the language of the Vile. Abusers say vile things about their victims. They, also, treat their victims vilely. We, the abused, take that vileness on board and imagine that it is our own.
When an emotional abuser moves on, he (or she) will gather up their worldly goods and assets (plus as many as yours as they can get away with taking). The one thing that they are in no rush to take back in their vilification. That, as they see it, is their enduring contribution to your life. They leave it with you. You own it. And it continues to make your life a misery.
So, how do you know when you are over emotional abuse?
You are over the emotional abuse when you don’t buy into the vilification of yourself any longer. Now, I don’t know how big of a deal that sounds to you. However, it is not quite as easy to do as it may sound. The reason is simple – you probably don’t have the faintest idea of the process of vilification that you routinely put yourself through.
Vilification signs you need to listen out for
What are the vilification signs that you need to listen for – in yourself?
- Do you think of yourself as stupid, or weak?
- Do you think you are “broken”?
- Do you worry that you can never have a good, happy future – because of what you have been through?
- Do you feel unlovable?
- Do you doubt whether a decent man would ever want to love and cherish you?