A Special Blog Share To Raise Awareness Of Autism. Meet My BFF DeBorah Palmer & Her Wonderful Brother Stephen Palmer.

Hello Friends, Readers, and Visitors,

It is not often that a good friend makes the ‘New York Time,’  but when they do? It sure is worth sharing! And my BFF, DeBorah Palmer and her sweet brother Stephen Palmer made the New York Times this month. The Times did a wonderful article on them both to hopefully raise awareness of autism which Stephen was diagnosed with, and how there seems to never be enough time for DeBorah, who takes such good care of Stephen, as she works and tries to care for him, so Stephen lives a fun,  fulfilling life.  And I know that can be a challenge at times. I battle with a few mental health issues myself, and my loving husband is such a help to me. So I know it can be difficult for the family members.
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But I don’t think I can recall a time ever that DeBorah has had any complaints about making sure Stephen lives a well-rounded life with autism. That girl is always on the go, and making sure Stephen has many wonderful life experiences. That takes a very special and caring person, which my friend DeBorah is and more! So let me share this wonderful article with all of you.
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And, if you get some time, please take a visit to Deborah’s blog. http://dancingpalmtrees.wordpress.com  She shares some so many amazing stories of her life, and shares many important articles from other blogs as well. Just wanted to say: “Congrats DeBorah & Stephen” for a fantastic article. Sometimes life can be challenging. “Keep The Faith” .. .. ..

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Happy Reading Friends!

{Stephen Palmer at his home in Queens. Mr. Palmer “lights up” when he sees his sister, said Iya Thomas, a supervisor at the Queens Center for Progress, which runs his group home. Credit Victor J. Blue for The New York Times}.

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Every workday morning, DeBorah Palmer pulls on her navy blazer and starts her rounds. She is a security guard who patrols the galleries of a Manhattan museum and assists the visitors streaming through its doors. But as she points the sightseers to this exhibit or that one, an urgent question inevitably pops into her mind: How is Stevie?

She means Stevie, who loves Iron Man, plain M&Ms and Popeye’s fried chicken. Stevie, who has a sweet inside basketball shot and a passion for dinosaurs. Stevie, who is a 54-year-old man with autism who cannot read a book or cross a street on his own.

Stevie Palmer is her beloved brother, her closest relative. He is intellectually disabled and counts on her to oversee his care at his group home in Queens. It is her personal mission to ensure that he has everything he needs. Finding a way to do that — while holding onto a $16-an-hour job that offers little in the way of flexibility — is her biggest challenge.

“He’s my No. 1 priority,” said Ms. Palmer, who is 56, single and stressed. “Sometimes I feel guilty. I think to myself, ‘Am I doing enough?’ I think I could be doing better.”

{DeBorah Palmer said she wishes she had more time for her brother. Credit Victor J. Blue for The New York Times}
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The question, though, is how. Well-paid professionals are accustomed to slipping out occasionally during workdays for school meetings, doctors’ appointments or to check on sick relatives. Lower-paid workers can’t count on such luxuries.

Ms. Palmer, for instance, works 40 hours a week, as well as about 20 hours of overtime, Tuesday through Saturday. Her 9-to-5 shift is fixed: She cannot duck out for an hour or two to meet with her brother’s doctors or the specialists who provide his care and training. She has to take a day off for that.

Where would that day come from? Well, she has five personal days a year. But she usually needs at least two or three of those days to visit her own doctors, who treat her high blood pressure, arthritis and other chronic ailments. She has two weeks of vacation, but has little say over when she can take them.

The result? She rarely attends meetings to discuss her brother’s care and goals. And sometimes a month or two go by without a visit. Ms. Palmer and her brother have only one common day off each week — Sunday. (Mr. Palmer attends a day program and does janitorial work on Mondays, her other day off.)

On some Sundays, Ms. Palmer is simply too exhausted to take her brother to the movies, basketball games or museums that he loves. Ms. Palmer, who lives in the Brownsville section of Brooklyn, is grateful for her job. It has been her lifeline since she was laid off as a research manager for a nonprofit nine years ago. But she desperately misses the flexibility she once took for granted as a white-collar worker.

“You only have so much time in life,” said Ms. Palmer, who is so anxious about keeping her job that she asked me not to name her employer. “I’d like to spend more of that time with him.”

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{Childhood photographs of Mr. Palmer and his sister inside his room at his group home in Queens. Credit Victor J. Blue for The New York Times}

Her struggle to juggle work and family life is painfully familiar to many workers. A 2011 study conducted by the Families and Work Institute, a research group, found that higher-paid employees are significantly more likely than low-wage workers to be able to shift their starting and quitting times periodically.

And even though state officials have projected that the number of disabled adults age 60 and over would increase by 32 percent in New York City between 2010 and 2025, which would increase the responsibilities of many adult siblings, the government has been slow to reflect the pace of change.

For instance, Ms. Palmer’s union discovered that the federal Family and Medical Leave Act does not allow unpaid leave to care for siblings. “Very frustrating,” said Amena Black, a council representative for District Council 37, which represents more than 1,000 security guards and other employees at cultural institutions in the city.

Melissa Mark-Viverito, the speaker of the City Council, is championing a bill for caregivers that would help. A current draft of the legislation, which is sponsored by Councilwoman Deborah Rose and others, would require employers to make “reasonable accommodations to allow workers to provide care to disabled relatives,” as well as to parents, children and others.

For Ms. Palmer, that might mean negotiating a rare Christmas off, so that she could spend the holiday with her brother for the first time in six years. It might mean meeting more regularly with his service providers to push for more progress in his literacy skills.

“I can still hear my parents saying: ‘You have to stick together. Stick together,’ ” Ms. Palmer said of her father, who died in 1995, and mother, who died in 1998. “I’ve always taken that to heart.” That affection runs both ways.

“When he sees her, he lights up,” said Iya Thomas, a supervisor at the Queens Center for Progress, which runs the group home where Mr. Palmer lives. Mr. Palmer has lived in his group home for 26 years. But whenever he packs to visit his sister, there is never any doubt about where he is going. He tells anyone who asks, Ms. Thomas said, that he is heading home.

(Article Courtesy of The New York Times)

 

 

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So, How Does One Recover From Gambling Addiction, Mental Illness & Behavioral Problems? They Call This Dual Diagnosis. . .

Hello Recovery Friends, and Welcome All Visitors,

 

 

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So how does one recover from gambling addiction while living with mental illness? It can be difficult and a bumpy ride, but it can be done. I did it, and am doing it, and you can too! A personal share of what life was like. . .

“All I remember is waking up in the hospital. I heard people talking about me saying, when the police came to my home, there were knives all around me on the couch and floor of my living-room. Then I blacked out again.” “I woke up next in a mental/addiction crisis center with my wrists wrapped, feeling very sick to my stomach, and remained there for the next 14 days” . . .

This is where my recovery and behavioral health journey began. To be able to recover from gambling addiction, and while there, I was diagnosed with bipolar ll with severe depression, mild mania with anxiety, PTSD, and many negative behavioral habits I had picked up in my many years of addicted gambling.

See, I was suffering undiagnosed mental illness for years without ever knowing it. And I turned to addicted gambling and alcohol abuse to zone out & cope by wanting to not feel the hurt and pains I had not processed. That day, I was supposed to be attending my best friend’s funeral and celebration of life! Well, instead, I had a very bad gambling binge/slip that almost cost me my life. Many ask me, “How can you just waste your money like that? I tell them, “it’s not about the money, it’s about the disease of gambling addiction, and the bad choices and behaviors that comes with it”. . . “that it is not about the money wasted, gambling addiction almost cost me my life by  way of 2 failed suicides.”

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So what is Gambling Addiction?

There are many definitions for problem and gambling addiction. Some claim it’s a mental health disorder, some say it’s a cognitive behavioral issue, and even some say it’s an impulse control problem. From personal experience, it was all three and more. But all gambling behavior patterns that compromise, disrupt or damage personal, family or vocational pursuits is a gambling addiction. The essential features are increasing preoccupation with gambling, a need to bet more money more frequently, restlessness or irritability when attempting to stop, “chasing” losses, and loss of control manifested by continuation of the gambling behavior in spite of mounting, serious, negative consequences. In extreme cases, problem gambling can result in financial ruin, legal problems, loss of career and family, or even suicide.
And I experienced all of the above. I was sick.

This cunning illness invades every part of your being, especially your thinking. Even though I was a victim of childhood trauma & abuse as a little girl, I never told anyone until my adulthood. And my parents did raise us to know right from wrong. But when addiction comes along, or you turn to any addiction to cope with what rough life is throwing at you, all good behaviors and choices fly right out the window, and the negative behaviors of addiction change your whole way of our thought process in working out life’s problems.

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It was easier for me to go gamble for hours then to deal with what life drama was happening around me, and all the past feelings of the childhood sex abuse and trauma I endured as a little girl. And that’s part of the disease. It will prey on you when you’re at your lowest in your life. So my bumpy journey of recovery and cognitive behavioral retraining and therapy began. Now we know from some of my past articles what behavioral health is, and now we throw in the mix what gambling addiction is. {Description above}. We now call this having Dual Diagnosis.
But on a personal level, I called it a recipe for doom, and “the perfect storm” that set me up to turn to addictions very easily.

So there I was, in a crisis center due to a suicide attempt, and not convinced about my mental/emotional diagnosis. Partly to the fact I was still in denial about my gambling addiction. When I was told I would be starting medications for my mental/emotional issues, first thing I thought was, “oh great, now people are going to think I’m nuts or a fruit loop”!

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Looking back now of course, that came from the huge Stigma in this country about those who suffer from any type of mental and or emotional illness. Pretty hard to admit to yourself that you have mental issues, when your still trying to wrap your mind around the fact you are an addicted gambler, and it got so out of control that I tried to end my life!
So, I wasn’t focused or trying manage my disorders because I was in denial about the mental/emotional illness. When I left the crisis center, all I knew was to take these pills that the doctors started me on, and all would be OK. And I just focused on my recovery from gambling, and not so much on managing my mental/emotional health.

Since my primary medical doctor was handling my mental evaluations and psych meds, and never given any instructions about getting therapy or to see a psychiatrist, so I got it in my head that as long as I took these pills, I would get better from both gambling addiction and this persistent black cloud and fog I felt, like I was living with in my head. This went on for a few years, and so did the relapses into gambling again. And after a few years, suddenly my world went totally Black! . . . .
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Now that black out is for another blog post share for another time soon. My point of this part of my journey, is to let you know, like any other illness, you have to manage and balance not only your recovery from addiction, but your mental, emotional behavioral health as well. Like any other illness or disease, like being a diabetic, or maybe heart disease. You have to manage it by medication, diet, being educated and informed about your disease. With gambling addiction, living with mental/behavioral health also has to be well-balanced together just like any other illness.

So, . . . until next time friends, be well, happy, and healthy in recovery!
Don’t forget check out my New Recovery Reads Featured Page here too, and come follow me on BlogLovin too!

Catherine Townsend-Lyon, Author of “Addicted To Dimes”
http://www.amazon.com/Addicted-Dimes-Confessions-Liar-Cheat-ebook/dp/B00CSUJI3A