“I Don’t Understand Why Some People Hate”….Is It Them Or Is It Just Stigma?

Hello And Welcome Recovery Friends & New Visitors,

Tamra Judge's photo.
So I guess I just don’t get it? I happen to get an email from an anonymous person that simple read, “why would you waste your money on gambling in the first place? you made that choice, not society”….

OK,  Yes I did happen to make some poor choices in life, who doesn’t? And yes I did use gambling addiction for many reason’s, but it wasn’t like I woke one day and said to myself, “Gee, I think I will become a ‘Compulsive Addicted Gambler’, and destroy my life, waste money, and let gambling almost cost me my life, TWICE. Everyone is entitled to one’s opinion, but to be rude like that is not cool! To me, I smelled two things with that email, one ignorance, and two, STIGMA.
Why do people have to be mean, or just plain rude to get their point across?
Most of us in recovery have come across a time or two where life, and something in our PAST comes back to bite us in the ASS, but for a person, another human being, take the time to send me a hateful email  just to make them feel better, because they haven’t a clue or understanding about any ADDICTION? it’s kind of ignorant of them. We know that STIGMA still exists, and most of the time I just chalk it up to the path I happened to go down, and that’s no one else’s fault but mine, and mine alone. I have taken the ‘Responsibility & Accountability’ for all did wrong while I was deep within my addictions with gambling and alcohol. What I don’t understand is the HATE others believe necessary to hurt others with words.
It’s just another form of bullying someone. Do I hate this person back? Hell No, I learned a long time ago in my treatment, and in recovery that others ‘HATE’ really has nothing to do with me personally. So that’s on them. But when we talk about people not being kind to others, I know it opens a bunch of other can of worms. Let’s look at the definitions of both “Hate & Stigma” to see if there is anything similar between them,…and NO, I have not Googled the words before this blog post….LOL!


verb: hate; 3rd person present: hates; past tense: hated; past participle: hated; gerund or present participle: hating
  1. 1.
    feel intense or passionate dislike for (someone).
    “the boys hate each other”
    synonyms: loathe, detest, despise, dislike, abhor, execrate; More

    be repelled by, be unable to bear/stand, find intolerable, recoil from, shrink from;
    “they hate each other”
    antonyms: love
  2. used politely to express one’s regret or embarrassment at doing something.
    “I hate to bother you”
    synonyms: be sorry, be reluctant, be loath, be unwilling, be disinclined; More

    “I hate to bother you”
  3. “he hates flying”
noun: hate
  1. 1.
    intense or passionate dislike.denoting hostile actions motivated by intense dislike or prejudice.

    modifier noun: hate
    “a hate campaign”



noun: stigma; plural noun: stigmata; plural noun: stigmas
  1. 1.
    a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.
    “the stigma of mental disorder”

    synonyms: shame, disgrace, dishonor, ignominy, opprobrium, humiliation, (bad) reputation More

    “the stigma of bankruptcy”
    antonyms: honor, credit
  2. (in Christian tradition) marks corresponding to those left on Jesus’ body by the Crucifixion, said to have been impressed by divine favor on the bodies of St. Francis of Assisi and others.
  3. 3.
    a visible sign or characteristic of a disease.
    • a mark or spot on the skin.


OK,….. so there you go. The definition of both words.
Can we see anything similar to one another? Well either way, many of the meanings of each description of words used in the definitions of both are pretty similar like, Shame Disgrace, Dislike, Dishonor, and Regret…

It really hurts me that in today’s world, knowing what we know about many issues that surround many people with Stigma, like those of us in Recovery, Suffer Mental Illness, and those who endured Childhood Trauma & Abuse, that more people would have some understanding, or a little empathy. We are still human beings just like everyone else. Like these people think that it’s OK to tear others down when they feel or think we are not ‘Normal’ like them.
Well, sorry to burst their bubbles, but you’re not any more normal than we are if you keep feeding the need to hurt others just for the fun of it.
Am I more sensitive than others due to my past pain & hurt? Maybe, but I think we all have a pretty good idea that there are still people in this world who go out of their way just to be racist, bigots, hurtful, mean, bully others, spew hate, and so on.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t have room in my life for such people. To me, when others are like this I think to myself, “man, someone must have hurt them, or they are holding in some pain or trauma that happened to them, and the only way for them to cope in the world is to lash out at others.”  That just seems like a big load to carry around all your life don’t you all think?
I remember when I was a little like them myself. Most came from the pain and rage I had going on inside myself within my addiction. And again, THAT was on me. I have made most all my amends to those I hurt.
Many don’t understand how shame, guilt, and not loving yourself can make a heart go black & cold. That’s what addiction does to you. Many who have not been touched by any addiction may not know about the ‘major mood swings’ that come along with addiction.
No excuses, just insights. And No, I’m not trying to judge ‘other people who ‘hate’ on others, as I have had enough hate thrown my way to know when it maybe an underlying problem for someone, or being done to someone for all the Wrong Reasons. I think my point is proven by all the needless ‘SUICIDES’ these past years of our teens taking their lives due to being bullied to death! It’s got to stop!
Even many of the school shootings have been because someone may not be mentally stable, being bullied to the point of wanting to HURT BACK! No, it’s not how to fix the bullying problem, but a person, or  a teen can only endure so much bullying and hate to where they may just snap!  I think I see myself just a wee bit ahead of them, as At least I had the mental ‘Light-Bulb’ go above my head to tell me I needed to reach out and get my load I was carrying, a lot less heavy!….. “Awe The Good Life In Recovery.”
Well that’s my Ramblings for Today all….LOL.

Happiness & Blessings To You All,
Catherine Townsend-Lyon
Author Of “Addicted To Dimes”